i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
