end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
