Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
