we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
