I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
