I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
