I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
