I'm really into asian looking animals
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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