I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
