Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
