i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
