Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
