Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
