Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
