my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
