Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
