Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
