I seem to have left my pride at pride
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
