It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
