stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
