Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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