This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
