absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
