wrigley field is MILF paradise
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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