I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
