I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm really busy with my period
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