So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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