Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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