I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
