what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
