did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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