I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i came on her dog
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
