It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
