I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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