I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
