I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
