Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
