wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
