i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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