why didn't you poke me back
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
