To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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