I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
