i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
