You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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