It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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