My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
