Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
