sarcasm needs its own font
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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