You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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