kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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