Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
