Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
